you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
