I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
