I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
