my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
