Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
