i already hear my dad disowning me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
