ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
