you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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