If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
