my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize