So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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