I got chris browned last night
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
