The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
