I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
