She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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