Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
