I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
