Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
