sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
