If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My vagina is officially offended.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
