I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
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You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
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Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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