Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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