Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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