Four minutes until I can fart!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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