i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
