I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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