i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
