IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
