you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
