Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
