I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
