I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
