he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
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his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
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Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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