I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
