I'm drive I can fine osifer
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
we're so committed to being not committed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
