I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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