here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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