Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
