he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
