Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
