Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
