she was so not down for the gang bang
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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