very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
