Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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