i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I could fuck to npr.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
