Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is Oprah even human
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
