Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
