i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
