Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
