If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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