The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
