i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
ok first of all what the fuck
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
