I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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