Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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