Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
