Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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