That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
