my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
