i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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