I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
