Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
