i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
