Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
