Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
