I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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