i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
