wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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