Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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