Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
