dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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