do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
