If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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