Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
