Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
