I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is the high leading the old right now
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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