I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
